I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
