I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
