I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When did angry sex become our thing?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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