We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
