Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
