Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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