No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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