Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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