THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
