Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
