Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
