I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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