i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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