just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you win again, gameday.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
