u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
