That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
