I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
