Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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