i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
