Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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