I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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