He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
