these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
