Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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