hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
