He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
