I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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