We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
