I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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