can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
tell me about the eggs
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
