I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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