Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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