I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
