i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Terrible idea I love it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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