There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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