apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
