He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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