he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I checked into jail on foursquare
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
