I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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