Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
