so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
