Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
