just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
