We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
