You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
