I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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