i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
