Kiss
Puke
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
