I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
