yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
