I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
